Bittersweet
by January-21
Summary: Cameron s thought on her pregnancy. Chase/Cameron oneshot. Rather angsty.


I´ve been meaning to write this for a while, but never had te guts to actually do it. I really had to get it out of my system. English is not my first language and though i tried my best, I´m sure there are some mistakes. Also, i´m not too sure about some parts, but i really felt it was now or never.. so, enjoy and please review

PS:I don´t own anything.

* * *

Cameron feels guilty as she stares at her calendar. She knows they should have been more careful. 

"it´s only a few days Allison" Chase says as she hugs her from behind "It could be nothing".

But she knows he is lying, he doesn´t believe that. And as he kisses her forehead she can tell he´s happy, and that maybe she can be happy too.

That night when they go to bed he puts his arm around her stomach protectively, and she knows he´ll dream about their child. She, on the other hand, will cry, she knows she´s not ready.

The next morning she wakes up with a knot in her gut, but it´s no longer nerves, it´s nausea. And as she empties her stomach in the toilet, Chase holds her hair and looks at her with hope while she looks at him in fear. He can no longer hold his happiness back and he smiles, and for once in the past few weeks, her lips twitch a little upward.

Two weeks later he comes home with a pregnancy test and she agrees to take it, even though she already knows the result. It's positive. And this time she smiles, she laughs and even cries, but those are happy tears, she knows.  
They keep it a secret because "secrets are sexy" according to Chase.  
But House has his ways and by the third day he already knows what's keeping Cameron locked up in the bathroom and Chase so glowy. Cameron asks (orders him) to keep it quiet, but she knows he will because even though House likes to mock around, this is serious.

They schedule a sonogram (not at Princeton Plainsboro, of course) and that's when it really hits her; this IS for real, there's no turning back now. But she knows she is ready, this is what she wants, what they want…

Every time they go to bed he puts his arm around her, his hand resting firmly in her lower abdomen. And she feels it, their baby, Chase says it's too soon, but she can feel something there, "it's a women's thing" she responds. And that keeps him quiet because "women things" are the kind of things Chase will never understand.

One night she dreams House delivers her baby, and surprisingly it doesn't hurt, the baby comes right out of her, but she cannot see it, it's all very blurry. She wakes up with her heart racing, she closes her eyes again for a second before a sharp pain in her stomach overcomes her and she's forced to open them again. She turns around to find chase, he's not there, and instead she touches something wet, and rather sticky, it´s blood.

Her eyes fill with tears, and she sobs. She's too weak to cry; she brings her knees up to her chest and hugs them. Chase will be home any minute to sooth her. She doesn't bother cleaning up, it's over now.

He enters their bedroom sometime later and rushes to her side. "I'm sorry" she says and she truly means it. "It's ok" he whispers, but it's not. She can hear him crying and that's when she allows herself to break down.

He no longer puts her arm around her stomach when they sleep, there's nothing there. He can see his pain, especially when he holds the babies in the ICU, she knows he wishes they were his. She can no longer bear to look at herself in the big mirror, that little swelling is gone, she feels empty. And guilty, because truth be told, she never wanted a baby, she never wanted one until she did. Chase on the other hand, he never had doubts.

One afternoon Chase finds her in the ICU looking at the babies. It's the first time he's seen her smile since the incident. "We could try again" he says. But she doesn't respond, instead, she approaches him and kisses his mouth before turning on her heels and leaving.

When she gets home, she runs to their bathroom and throws away her birth control pills and all the condoms she can find. She is ready for this; she wants it more than anything in the world.

When he comes home he finds her lying on the couch with a blanket. "I threw everything away", she says expectantly. "I know" he responds.

* * *

Constructive critisism is highly apreciated. 


End file.
